Its been a rough week

On Sunday my grandmother passed away. She had cancer and was going through treatment and it just became too much for her body to handle. I got a call last week that she was not doing well and then later I received another call saying she was doing better (if you knew my grandmother this was always the case she would be hurt/sick and then be absolutely fine). Saturday I was out for lunch with a girlfriend of mine when I got a call that her health had taken a turn for the worse and she was in the hospital not doing well. I left my lunch/dinner and Kevin and I went straight to the hospital. My grandmother never fit the typical old granny description (small, frail, quiet) she was tall, broad, and loud but when I went into her hospital room she didn't look like herself. She looked small and weak and not like the grandmother I knew and it hit me hard. As we waited for her to be transferred to the hospice unit it hit me what all I was grieving. Not only was I losing my grandmother I was losing my last grandparent. I grew up with two grandmas and great grandparents and my children will never be able to meet theirs. When my mom's mom passed away I was in Florida on spring break and was not given the choice of where to be and this has never settled well with me and the news that I was about to lose my other grandma reopened old wounds I didn't realize still hadn't healed. I felt since I was unable to be with my other grandma during her time I needed to be here for hers. Kevin and I stayed at the hospital until almost 10 pm and went back on Sunday around 11. This time more family had come and everyone was sitting in the room with her (sick people, hospitals, and death all make me extremely uncomfortable) I took turns sitting her room and in the waiting/lobby area. I had told myself and my mom from the second I heard she was in the hospital I did not want to be in the room when it was her time to go but for some reason I may never understand I suddenly felt the need to move from the waiting area into her room and less than 60 seconds later it was her time and I could not force myself to leave I felt compelled to stay and in some ways I am glad I did. I was there to see her go, I saw first hand that she went peacefully with very little pain and surrounded by family members which is comforting but at the same time it brings on a whole new emotion I have never had to deal with. The showing is on Friday and the funeral service on Saturday, I ask that you keep my family in your thoughts this week as we go through this time.