What 2013 taught me

As we get closer to the end of 2013 and the beginning of 2014 I have (over the course of a few months) reflected on the year and on my life in general. This year I have learned a lot about myself and in learning these things I have set some major goals for the up coming year.

1. I do not like kids.
Now some of you are probably thinking then why did you teach preschool for 3 years and why do you work as a nanny. Well, the answer is I don't know. While I was teaching I honestly loved it and I loved every child in my class and was always sad when they reached the age to move up to the next class. I love the job I have now. I love Aubrey, Natalie, and Aaron as if they were my own family. I can not imagine not being able to see them each week, in fact I actually enjoy spending time with them.
That being said over the past year I have discovered I just plain and simple do not like any other kids, especially whiney or misbehaving kids. Kevin and I did a corn maze in September and whenever we caught up to a family I despised the time we had to be near them. We went to Johnny Appleseed Festival and I remember saying "Why are all these kids here? Their parents should leave those things at home or just not come!" We went swimming in our neighborhood pool and a little girl kept talking to me and the whole time I kept thinking to myself why won't she just go away and leave me alone, I don't want to talk or play with you. Do I want kids of my own? The more I think about it the more I am not sure. I have always wanted to be a mommy but the feeling I get when I see a kid at the grocery makes me think maybe I don't. I worry that I won't like them but then I think of how much love I feel for Aubrey, Natalie, and Aaron and I am pretty sure I do want my own someday.

2. I am stronger than I think.
This year Kevin was supposed to deploy for a year but it was canceled at last minute. For a few months we prepared the house for me to be there alone and I secretly prepared myself emotionally for what I thought would be one of the toughest years of my life. I had thoughts of I can't handle living alone or not being able to talk to Kevin everyday but in the back of my mind I knew I had to do it, I could do it, and I would do it. While I was over joyed I didn't have to be without him and worry for a year I am a bit upset I didn't get to prove to myself that I could handle it.

3. I am not a good housewife.
While Kevin and I are not married I consider myself a housewife or housegirlfriend as I sometimes refer to it. I can not cook, I can not keep up with the laundry, I can not keep the house clean. Basically I suck at being a woman. My goal for this upcoming year is to become a better housewife. I want to start meal planning and actually cooking a few meals each week. I want to keep the house clean for more than 2 days at a time.

4. I am older than I realize.
Up until recently I have always felt a bit of disconnect when it came to my friends. I have a few friends my own age but most of my friends are 3-5 years older than I am. My friends always say you are more mature than most people your age and I always forget how young you are and so on and so on. Recently I haven't felt the age gap like I used to.

5. I am healthier and unhealthier than I think I am.
We try to eat right and be healthy but when I workout I realize how out of shape I am. My goal is to eat better (stop having little cheat items in my diet) and to workout everyday. I don't think I am an overly big person but I am for sure not where I could/should be and I am determined to change this.

6. I dress like a middle schooler.
My wardrobe consists of mainly jeans and tshirts. This year I would like to dress a bit nicer more like a grown-up.

7. I have opinions my own view point of the world.
And they matter. Kevin has taught me that I have a right to express my opinions. He has never had a problem sharing his opinions and view points but I have always been one to just keep mine quiet especially if someone didn't agree with me but now I feel more comfortable expressing my opinions even if others don't see it the same way I do.

8. I need new hobbies.
I am constantly telling Kevin I am bored and need some new hobbies but never find any. This year I want to learn how to sew and or crotchet or knit.

9. I can't live without paper towels.
And I don't want to. No matter how green/save the planet I get I will probably never give up my paper towels.

10. I only go to church because they pay me.
I would love to find a church that I like and attend every/most Sundays. (with Kevin)

11. I learned unconditional love and devotion.
Silas loves me no matter how grumpy I am or how badly I cook or if I have no makeup on. Kevin does too but humans just can't show it the way a puppy can.